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COA Resources
  • Driver's License - You must make sure you change your address with your State's department of motor vehicles (DMV).
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Archive for July, 2011

10 Politically Incorrect Mother Goose Fables

Mother Goose stories and rhymes have been around for centuries and were first introduced in America by Charles Perrault just as we were gaining our independence. Although these tales were told to children as bedtime stories, many of the stories had political origins. How ironic that many of these nursery rhymes would be considered politically incorrect in today’s society. Let’s discuss a few of these Mother Goose fables that parents may hesitate before reading to their children.

  1. Puss in Boots – Although this is a great rags-to-riches story all children would enjoy, just the title would give politically correct parents pause. Although the term puss was commonly used to refer to a cat in ages past, it’s now usually used as a somewhat lewd expression.
  2. Wee Willie Winkie – Another title with lewd connotations, this cute little rhyme could be quite upsetting to the PC crowd. I’m sure if there were someone dressed in a nightgown running around town peeking in windows, someone would have him arrested.
  3. Gorgy Porgy – I’m sure this darling little ditty has completely innocent intent, but those more cynical may think it has sinister undertones. People may wonder why all the girls started to cry when Gorgy kissed them and why he ran away when the boys came out to play. H-m-m-m-m.
  4. Three Blind Mice – We can’t possibly be telling such violent stories to our children. How cruel for the farmer’s wife to cut off the tails of those poor little visually challenged mice.
  5. The Black Hen – Now this fable is just plain racist. Why is it only the back hen that’s laying eggs for the gentlemen? We also wonder why these guys come by every day to check her out.
  6. Humpty Dumpty – They always portray Humpty as an egg, however the name could possibly suggest someone who may not only have a weight problem, but a physical deformity as well. We can’t be exposing our young children to such intolerance.
  7. Little Red Riding Hood – This bedtime story is politically incorrect in so many ways. One wonders what the red riding hood implies about this little girl and why is she allowed to roam the forest alone? The horror of the wolf eating her grandmother and the hunter cutting the wolf open are likely to give your kids nightmares.
  8. Bye, Baby Bunting – Here’s a short rhyme just chock full of gender bias. Why does the father have to do the hunting instead of the milking or silking? Then they send the brother to do the shopping and he buys a skin for the baby instead of a nice soft blanket. The whole family is totally dysfunctional.
  9. What Are Little Boys Made Of? – This is another poem that uses a stereotypical way to describe boys and girls that simply would not be considered politically correct today. I’m sure you don’t want your sons to think they are made of nasty things while their sisters are made of everything nice.
  10. There Was an Old Woman – In today’s PC world we can’t be calling women old and the local zoning board wouldn’t allow her to live in a shoe with all those children. If she was only feeding her kids broth and whipping them soundly every day, social services would definitely be called in.

How sad to think that children of PC parents wouldn’t be told these fanciful tales that millions of kids have grown up with for centuries. One wonders about the loss of a more innocent age when wide eyed children imagined a pussy cat in boots or a woman and a bunch of kids living in a shoe. I don’t think there is anyone in therapy blaming nursery rhymes for their problems. I hope we never lose these timeless Mother Goose fables that entertained us when we’re young and make us ponder as we grow older.

10 Excuses for Not Attending a Family Reunion

Looking for a reason to skip out on a family reunion? Do you ever wonder how other people get out of attending one? Listed below are ten common excuses people use to get out of attending a family reunion.

  1. Someone died. This is a popular one; just make sure that the funeral that you are claiming to have to attend is not one of a relative’s. Better yet make it someone from out of town and then actually leave town so you don’t get busted.
  2. I’m sick. Although this one can be useful, make sure that you only use it if you know no one from said reunion will try to come over to take care of you.
  3. Someone else is sick. If you use this excuse you have to be careful that you don’t have a parent or other close relative that is attending the reunion who will offer to relieve you from your nursing duties, so that you can attend the reunion.
  4. I already have plans. Make sure that you really do have plans and are not home in case you get busted by someone driving by. Or make plans for that specific day so that it is the truth.
  5. I have to work. Again, this is another one where you want to make sure that you do not get busted by being somewhere other than at work. It could be quite awkward running into someone who is running an errand for the reunion when you are running from it.
  6. We have a family emergency. Be prepared for a more detailed answer than this. More than likely you will be questioned on what the emergency is and if there is anything they can do to help.
  7. I forgot the date/time. This one can only be used after the fact and only if no one talked to you about the reunion recently to remind you of it.
  8. I can’t find a babysitter. You may want to save this one until after the reunion as an excuse as to why you didn’t show up and not an excuse beforehand as again someone may volunteer to help or tell you that you can just bring the kids.
  9. I have tickets to… Do your research for this one and make it a believable one. Saying you have tickets to a concert that isn’t playing is not a wise idea.
  10. I can’t afford to travel right now. With the way the economy is going right now, this is a very believable excuse, as long as no one offers to pay for your trip.

If you are worried that you will get busted with an excuse used prior to the reunion ,you could just skip the reunion and use the excuse after the fact, if someone asks why you didn’t come. Remember, family reunions can be a great time to get together and reconnect. However, there are some circumstances where you may be uncomfortable attending. If none of the above excuses works for you, try the truth. You never know, the person you are telling may not want to be there either.

10 Ways to Get Rid of Ants in Your House

Ants are determined little creatures and can be a real problem once they find their way into your house. They may be tiny, but they have us outnumbered by far, so if you kill a few the replacements just keep coming. If you find ants in your house how do you get rid of them and keep them out?

  1. Ant traps – There are several kinds of ant traps you can buy or you can make your own. Use honey or syrup for sweet ants or peanut butter for bait if they’re grease ants. Mix with boric acid powder for the poison and place in a container with small holes for the ants to enter. Place the traps near the ant trails and they’ll bring the poisoned bait back to the colony and poison the rest.
  2. Ant poison – There are many different ant poisons on the market, but the main ingredient is usually boric acid. The difference is how it’s applied and how it attracts ants. The granule type contains hydromethylnon and can be broadcast around your house for the ants to find and tote back to the colonies.
  3. Pesticide barriers – If you want to keep ants and all other insects away from your house there are commercial spray barriers that you can apply. Spray around the perimeter of your house plus around windows and doors. You can also use a lighter spray around the edges of your interior rooms.
  4. Don’t feed them – Ants won’t feel welcome in your home if you don’t have anything for them to eat. Make sure your counters are free of crumbs and spills. Don’t leave dirty dishes sitting around and keep all food in air-tight containers.
  5. Scent blockers – Ants leave a scent trail to follow so they can find their way back and forth from the food source to the nest. Peppermint spray, vinegar, cinnamon, pepper, cloves and bay leaves can all be used to hide their scent and confuse the ants.
  6. Keep out of yard – If you don’t want ants in your house make sure there aren’t any nests outside. If you find an ant hill or nest pour several gallons of boiling water over them to kill the ants and especially the queen.
  7. Block their entrance – Find out where the ants are getting in and block it off with caulk. Seal around windows, doors and any other openings. Also place diatomaceous earth around these areas. It’s a fine powder that kills ants by pulling all the moisture from their bodies.
  8. Corn meal and talc – Two other things ants hate are corn meal and talc. They will eat the corn meal and bring it back to the colony for the others. Then when they drink water the corn meal swells up and kills them. Baby powder or anything else that contains talc is also a deterrent and can be used to track down where they’re getting in and out.
  9. Kill scouts – If you see one ant you know there’s more around. They send scouts out to find new food sources, so make sure you kill the first one you see. You don’t want him getting back to the nest and leave a trail for others to follow.
  10. Fumigate – If all else fails, you can have your house fumigated. There are do-it-yourself bug bombs or you can hire a professional. Either way, you’ll have to vacate the premises with your pets and make sure there isn’t any exposed food.

Be careful about pets and small children when choosing what method to use and where to use it. Pesticides and poisons can be harmful to small animals and the environment, so you may want to stick to the more natural methods. Planting mint around your house can also be a natural deterrent, but the plants spread quickly and can be invasive. Also remember that ants can be more of a problem in overly rainy wet seasons. Their nests can get flooded out and they may want to move in with you. Be sure to let them know they’re not welcome.